Day Twelve: Integration

READING

Again, a lot of gems were found in this reading. One of my favorites was when it talked about how I am always moving through life. Whether through dance, or just in daily tasks, "I am moving through life--moving as life." This is significant because as I have learned all the Patters of Total Body Connectivity, I need to be able to apply them in all situations, not just in dance.

Another part I loved is when she says, "it is the effective functioning of changing relationships according to context that takes us to the integral stage with our moving." Basically, at this point, I need to be working on using these connections to my advantage when they are most relevant.

CLASS

We were given time in class today to do a journal entry. It's based off a question that she asks in the reading. Basically, what do each of these 6 patterns offer me personally? I'll go ahead and start with breath.
Breath has really helped me come into myself, and see what I have to offer the world. When I have a hard time breathing, I notice those are the times I feel the most disconnected from myself. Breath brings me home, and allows me to make my life simpler. It clarifies my thoughts so I can see what in my life is really helpful and necessary so I can get rid of whatever is pulling me down.
Next is Core-Distal. This fundamental has really helped open my eyes to differentiate between what is a part of me, and what is outside of me. It's starting to become a bit clearer to me the importance of knowing that difference. I think in my past, I've tried too hard to make everything "me", and that's why my Core-Distal connection has always been lacking. Now I see that I can make a connection between my inner self and my outer environment. By doing so, I will come to know better who I am as an individual.
Head-Tail has been teaching me that all relationships are constantly changing, ebbing and flowing. A healthy relationship allows for each end to have their say. If one end is mainly dominant, it stifles the entire relationship and all the possibilities that could happen. I've also learned that there is quite a large element of trust involved. If one end isn't quite sure of what is happening, it may tense up, again closing off several opportunities. I know that's what happens to me in my movement. My head wants to be sure of what's happening at all times, so it goes rigid in an effort to "keep watch", which closes off so many movement possibilities. I've been working on trusting myself, and when I do, it just feels better!
Upper-Lower is kind of a tricky one for me. I've always been one with a desire to reach out for what I want, but without any real drive. So I can definitely see this disconnect in my psychological life, and it is also very apparent in my physical movement. In dance, I've been told, and I can feel that I don't have a very good sense of my Lower. I also have some rigidity in my Upper half, which may explain, to some extent, why I have such troubles with my breathing. Since becoming more aware of this, I've been really trying to work on releasing and trusting.
Body-Half has been very important to me in that it has shown me that it is okay, and important even, to have different sides to me. It used to concern me that I acted different around different people. Now I understand that it is actually important in order to have the appropriate demeanor in different situations. It is through learning about Body-Half that I discovered why I'm such a fence sitter in so many situations. I haven't really allowed myself to gain any strength or clarity in this pattern.
The last one, Cross-Lateral, has provided me with some eye-opening moments. I have come to realize that i haven't really allowed my movement to pass through my center because I haven't really been okay with what is at my center, emotionally. While I'm sure it is going to be a constant journey, I am coming to a greater understanding of how to go about this emotional process.