Working on Juries

Today we mostly just worked on the pieces that we're going to be doing for juries, but I just wanted to mention how free I felt today! It's kind of funny, because I wasn't trying at all. I really was just doing the warm up to prepare my mind and body so we could get cracking on the juries, and somehow that allowed my body to shed some tension. It just goes to show how much end gaining can take away from a person.

Devotional

First thing we did in Somatics today was watch the devotional by President Callister that he gave while we were at ACDF. It was basically about the body, and what it can do for us, and what we can gain from it. It was a really good talk....if you have a few spare minutes, I highly recommend that you either watch it or read it. I know I'm going to go back through and reread it.

Since today is Thursday, I (of course) had my one on one. The first thing Sister Wadsworth said to me was asking if I'm frustrated that I still can't breathe. Wow...she sure nailed that one on the head. So we talked about how maybe I need to try just allowing for the room to breathe, and see if that will help. We both know that it is possible for me to access good breathing, especially while doing mat work...but it's just being able to hold onto that feeling that is the main struggle for me. It was really validating to talk to her about this, because apparently this is basically what she has gone through as well, and it pretty much sounds like she knows exactly what I'm going through. I'm so glad that I'm not just being a pansy, and also that there is a way out. I can keep pushing forward!

As we were doing the mat work, something that became even more clear to me is the principle of only using what I need. It doesn't mean to release every muscle possible....it's not being lazy. It's just being efficient. It means there are definitely still muscles that I need to be in control of...just not all of them. That's the key. Finding what to be in control of, and what I can allow to just be free.

Then we worked on doing some plies and releves. As I was doing them, Sister Wadsworth started talking to me about how I have grown this semester. She told me that I have accessed length! This made me really happy...this is something that I've always longed for, and never really known how to acheive. I'm m so grateful that I have found a pathway that I can continue on. She also told me that I have gained more freedom in my joints, especially the hip. This I could agree with a little bit more...I can feel a bit of freedom. It's especially evident in the fact that my hips haven't been as achy this semester as they have been in the past.

Something else she told me that I thought was interesting was that it's okay for me to try gaining more stability in my knees when I'm in releve, since I don't have hyperextended knees. I think I've always had it hammered in my to NOT lock my knees, so I've done everything I could to keep a "breath" behind my knees...but my knees don't even go all the way straight, simply because of bone structure. And that might be one reason why I don't feel very stable when I'm in a releve, or when I'm doing some sort of turn. This was just another similarity that I share with Sister Wadsworth, and I'm so grateful for her insights! Even just doing the releves with more stability in the knees (not locking...just stabilizing) helped quite a bit. I think I've been counting on my ankles to hold me up for so long for fear of destroying my knees, that I've actually worn out my ankles. Especially since they're weak from previous sprains.

So basically, this was a very eye-opening session. Quite possibly the best session that I've had this semester!

Back on track?

It's our first day back from ACDF....so we first had to assess how our bodies are feeling. Of course, we did this through improv. I wasn't really super sore, just mostly tired. But then again, since when have I not been tired? I honestly can't remember the last time I haven't felt tired. On the plus side, that just means I'm really used to handling being tired....right?

So we sort of just went through class....we did the warm up, the new chasse sequence we learned the week before ACDF, the across the floor battements and triplets sequences, and leg swings. Even though it was just a regular class, I really enjoyed coming back from ACDF and being in this class! After a week of refreshing new ideas and perspectives, it's fun to come back and apply those new thoughts to my movement here. It's interesting, too....remember that one day that I was really affected by where my focus is? Well, I felt like that was really emphasized at ACDF, too. It's really cool to see that carry over, and it just shows me how important it really is...even though I've honestly never really thought about it before. It's like...when we go to ACDF, we get nervous that we're going to be behind everyone else. But once we got there, we were right on par with pretty much everyone there. And seeing similarities in what some of the teachers there said compared to what my teachers here tell me was a great validation to our dance program here.

After we had gone through class, we spend the last twenty-ish minutes stretching each others feet out (which felt incredible!!), and just talking about ACDF. It's so fun hearing every one else's thoughts.

American College Dance Festival 2012

There were soo many incredible experiences that I had at ACDF this year! I learned something new in just about every class. And if I didn't learn something new, I at least had a real good time.

I took all sorts of classes...modern, hip hop, congo, improv, contact improv, musical theatre, and I auditioned for ADF....so many great teachers, so many great classes. Sounds cheesy, I know...but it's still true.

I actually just want to talk specifically about one class, though. It was the last class of the week, called relaxed improvisation. I thought it sounded like a nice way to end the week. I almost switched to a modern class instead, since I had already taken 2 improv classes. But, last minute, I decided to stick with it, and I am so grateful that I did.

When we started, it was really just to kind of get into our bodies, and release any tension we may have acquired throughout the week, plus our regular tension. The part I really want to talk about, though, is when we did a three-some improv. The way it worked was one person would close their eyes, and the other two would keep their hands in contact with the blind person, and lead them around the room. It started off with just walking in one direction. Then it grew to where they could walk them forwards, backwards, sideways, or diagonal, or they could just take a still moment. At this point, they could also change their points of contact. Then, after awhile, they would lead the blind person into movement. The blind person just allowed themselves to be manipulated and just move according to how they were being led. After doing this for a while, the teacher encouraged the leaders to switch blind people. Then after awhile, the groups would switch blind people and do the same thing again.

It was amazing.

I have never felt the way I did during this improv. I didn't like being the leader as much, but being the blind person was a very emotional and spiritual experience. Usually when I'm asked to do improv, or anything, with my eyes closed, all I see is black. Or, even with my eyes open, when I've been asked to describe what colors I see when I improv, all I can honestly say is that I just see black within myself. I never really thought about this until this experience. As soon as they started walking me around the room, I felt myself leave the room, and they came with me. And then the most incredible thing happened....I saw myself completely differently. I was more translucent and white, with some colors dispersed throughout my silhouette....blues, purples, and greens.

The closest thing I can compare it to would be a jellyfish....although that still doesn't even do it justice. I was surrounded by similar colors and shapes. I can honestly say it was the most fulfilling connection I have ever felt. Then, when they started moving me around, and when the leaders started changing who they were leading, there was one point where I could swear I felt At least 5 or 6 people moving me around. Though apparently, after asking about it later, the most that was ever with me was maybe 4 people.

When my turn came to an end, I really had a hard time forcing my eyes open again. I will never forget how this class made me feel. It really was amazing.

Balloons!

Today was SUCH a FUN day!!! When we first showed up to class, Sister Wadsworth had us each blow up a balloon, and we just did our own improv with it! It started off with slower, sort of melty movement, which just felt nice. Then we started to get more interactive with each other. For example, Camille stole my balloon!! So I chased her around the room until I got it back from her. Then things started to get out of control....in the best way possible. People kept stealing other people's balloons, and so I mostly just tried to stay out of the way. I succeeded for the most part. Then Bianca started to go nuts with stealing everyone else's balloons....she had so many!! Then as they tried to steal them back, someone's popped...maybe even a couple. There was a pretty good sized group that ended up just sitting in a circle, holding tight to their balloons...but that didn't last for long. Sister Wadsworth came around and started popping their balloons! It was so funny! And then Kelsey and Daniel were just walking around the room, arm in arm, with their balloons under their shirts. So entertaining.

This class was just pure FUN!!! I don't think I've had a class this fun....since ACDF last year! Oh boy, it just felt nice to use our movement to just move for the fun of it! It's a good reminder that movement can be used just for fun, and doesn't always have to be deep and meaningful. It's so fantastic...movement is so versatile!

Breathe

Today we talked about the reading from the Alexander book about the arms. We talked about focusing on the arms, particularly the sternoclavicular notch. There is so much movement that comes from that joint...I remember learning about that in Kinesiology, and being so amazed at how much movement actually does come from there. It's quite incredible! I just need to remember to think of that joint as part of the arm. Then we talked about trying to just use your hands to allow movement to happen. I was listening to all of this very closely, since I've been constantly struggling with my arms and hands. I'm still not sure how to go about making them less awkward, but I'm hoping that maybe this will set me on a road that will help me in the future. I'm trying to remain optimistic.

Then we continued the discussion, talking about connection vs. disconnection between the body, mind, and spirit. I don't remember who said what, but someone said something that made me realize...maybe my inability to breathe properly has created a disconnection between my body, mind, and spirit. It comes and it goes, but often I do find that I feel like I'm disconnected this way. I feel like I can move, I can think, and I do experience emotions, but I haven't felt super connected for awhile. I don't want to be super dramatic about it, but I really do feel disconnected from myself. I didn't really pay a whole lot of attention to the rest of the discussion, just because I was thinking through this new realization.

Then I had my one on one, and did the Dart sequencing with Sister Wadsworth. We talked again about how I can't breathe in my back, and she told me to not worry about it until I get it checked out and can start to figure out what's going on. I called the Health Center yesterday, and have my appointment tomorrow. I hope it's something simple that is easily fixable. I want to find those connections!

Lazy Day...

We were all super exhausted today. I think it's mostly the after-effects of Extravadance that are finally starting to kick in. Sister Wadsworth is so in tune with us though, so she catered the class to what our bodies needed, for which I am super grateful!

We started with a three-song improv, about "growth". We took ourselves through a journey of going from a little baby to being full grown. I think she only meant the improv to last maybe two songs, but we all had a hard time getting off the ground and "growing up", so she extended it one more song for us. Honestly, my mind was pretty fuzzy, and I didn't feel any strong connections or emotions during this improv. I was mostly just moving for the sake of moving, and I wasn't really feeling a strong pull for the intent. I kind of hate feeling like that...it's a waste of movement.

After that, we did the warm up and learned a new sequence involving tondues and chasses. I definitely was not on top of my game...it wasn't the worst I've ever done, but I could tell my body wasn't responding the way it normally does. It will be good to do this sequence again once I get this cloudiness taken care of. We also learned a new across the floor to a very appropriate song for the day...since we all were so sleepy. It was kind of funny :)

Then Sister Wadsworth was very kind and just led us through some stretching for the next twenty minutes of class, and ended class early. I felt kind of bad, but I was also really glad that she wasn't going to force our bodies to do more movement. Hopefully Friday will be much better!

Dart Sequencing

We mostly just did the Dart sequencing again today. I had basically the same experience as I've had previously, in that the spiral part of the sequence is kind of awkward for me. I was really focusing on trying to make it less awkward, and more fluid and easy. We talked through it a little bit, and Sister Wadsworth suggested that I make sure I'm crossing my ankles in a way that makes the spiraling easier. It helped a bit...though not as much as I had hoped for.

Then as Sister Wadsworth was working on her one on ones for the day, I just laid on a mat in semi-supine to do some meditation. It was then that I realized that I was trying too much to make the spiral work. It's crazy how easily I get sucked into end gaining! At least I was able to catch it eventually....next time I'm just going to do the sequence, and allow for the movement to happen. Oh boy this is difficult sometimes....

Bubbles, Balloons, and Peanut Butter

Mondays are always hard. Which is not very fun, considering they happen so often. So I absolutely love it when Sister Wadsworth does her best to cater to what we need to get ourselves up and moving at the start of a new week.

This week, it was an improv that required some creativity. Between her ideas and ours, we came up with some different textures that we had to "dance" through. We started off with honey, then went to peanut butter, water, balloons, and then bubbles. I'm not going to lie...I wanted to stay in the honey and the peanut butter for a lot longer. Thank you Monday. But, once I got going, it was kind of fun to get to the bubbles. They gave me more energy than I started with. It's incredible what can happen when you sort of make yourself do something you didn't think you could do.

Today Sister Wadsworth was really emphasizing where our focus is. We tend to dance with our focus down, because we're so focused that we forget to lift our eyes and hence, our focus. She talked about how if we lift our focus, it will help us connect with the environment, and actually help with our balance. As we went through the rest of the class, I tried focusing solely on my focus, and I think it helped! Especially on the leg swings...where I'm usually pretty unstable and wobbly, I felt like I had more stability and freedom in the movement. It sort of carried over to the rest of my movement as well...I'm really excited about this new realization!

Technique

Todays class was pretty straight-forward in my opinion. We started off by doing the full warm up. I do really like doing the warm up better now than I did at the beginning of the semester. I'm not sure why it took me so long to be able to catch on to it like I should have been, but I'm just glad I'm finally starting to get somewhere with it. I feel like it's starting to give me a chance to warm myself up according to my own personal needs, even though I'm doing someone else's movement.

Then we did our plié sequence. Considering the fact that I don't really like pliés (since I kind of have short achilles, and can't get very deep in my pliés...), I actually like this sequence. It has some more sharp, throwing kind of movement, which makes more sense in my body than a lot of the movement we've been doing this semester. I do tend to like pliés in modern class better than ballet, anyhow.

After the pliés, we did the Paul Cardall sequence in groups. I'm still not super great at this, but I do really like it. While I am kind of known for being best at quick, sort of thrashy movement, it is really kind of nice to have slower, indulgent movement sometimes. I grew up always loving lyrical dance...it was almost always my favorite. So it's kind of nice to go back to the same sort of qualities of movement and see how I've grown, and see how much more I can grow.

I feel like I am always saying this, but it's still true. The more I learn, the more I truly realize I have so far to go, and so much still to learn.

Asthma?

We did the Dart sequence today as a class (this is what I was talking about back about a week ago....the exercise we do with the chair using monkey). It's interesting...for most of this sequence, I really kind of like it. It helps me gain a stronger connection, but then there is a part or two that isn't very comfortable. There's this part where we're on the ground, with our arms and feet sort of wrapped around themselves, and then we spiral out and onto our back and roll over. I don't really like the spiraling. I feel like it's kind of jarring...so I'm working on how to make it more fluid, possibly by better accessing primary control. Here's hoping. I was partners with Jenni today while doing the Dart sequence, and afterward she told me that she can see that I'm not breathing, especially in my back. She said as she was watching, I had some sort of odd tension in my back, and it almost looked like I was holding my breath. But then she could see in my chest area that I was breathing...then we realized that the tension in my back is right where my lungs are. Wow. Talk about making a connection....

Then I had my one on one with Sister Wadsworth. We did some mat work, which, as always, was fantastic. Then, and I can't remember exactly how it came up, but she said almost exactly the same thing that Jenni said! So I decided right then that I was going to make an appointment with the Student Health Center and figure out why I haven't been able to breathe. It was really kind of a relief to get some validation today, thought, that I really can't breathe, and that I'm not just making it up.