Pilates & Improv

We started class of today by doing pilates. I have a love/hate relationship with pilates. I love the feeling afterward--the satisfaction of having worked really hard. But I really kind of hate doing it...it's definitely not something I would do for fun. In fact, there are some things in pilates that really bother my hip. Which means I have to modify. And I really hate having to modify. It makes me feel wimpy. But, I do what I have to do.

I really loved the rest of class, though! The first thing we did after pilates was do an improv to my favorite song to improv to! Again! :) Sister Wadsworth told us to do our improv based on whatever our current emotion was at the time. For me, it started off as just tired, but then grew into sort of a mixture of emotions....tired.....anxious.....scared.....excited......the cool thing about doing improv about my emotions is that sometimes I can't even define what they are, but I can definitely feel them very strongly. Then after that, we did an improv to another song where we were supposed to improv according to the opposite of what our current emotion is. Mine ended up being thrashy and sort of angry. It was kind of hard...especially after how much I loved doing the previous improv. But contrast is always a good way to wake me up in the morning.

Then we did a pretty cool partner improv exercise. We chose a partner, and then we just did partner improv, but one person had their eyes closed. My first partner was Justene. We work pretty well together, since we've done contact improv together quite a bit, so it was pretty easy to read what she was going to do next, and what I could kind of expect. I felt pretty unstable when I had my eyes closed...but I still completely trusted her. I actually felt kind of bad, because I was giving her all of my unstable weight. She did pretty good, though! Then we switched partners, and I went with Bianca. It was a pretty interesting improv...I could tell that she hasn't done very much partner improv, but sometimes that made for some interesting moments. It was fun when I was the one with my eyes closed though...she lifted me up a lot! I loved it! I don't get lifted very often, but I love it when I do!

The next thing we did was something I absolutely love. We did a group improv session. I was with Justene, Kamrie, Daniel, and Bianca. We had so many really cool moments! I really wish I could remember them all....I do remember one in particular, when I was sort of draped across someone's back, and then everyone else grabbed my arms and one of my legs and pulled me up to standing....it doesn't sound as cool as it was. But it was fantastic! It was just really cool...there were times when everyone else would be improv-ing together, and I would break away and sort of just dance around the group.

All in all....pretty fantastic class. Probably my favorite so far this semester :)

Simon Says!

We had our critical self-analysis paper due today! Now, I'm a huge procrastinator....but it was really interesting going through the process of writing this paper. I just hope that it ended up making sense....I'm worried that I just blabbered on, and went off in tangents. I'm debating whether or not to to post my paper on here...so for those of you who actually read my blog, leave me a comment if you'd be interested in reading my paper. Don't worry, I totally won't be offended if you don't :) For me, it was mostly just a good reminder of the things that I've learned so far in this semester.

Today was kind of a fun day! We started off with some good ol' improv, to a song that I always love doing improv to! We used it once last semester in our choreography class, and I just remember that that day was a really free, releasing, incredible improv. Ever since then, it just brings back those incredible feelings again, and it just makes me so, so happy! So it was a good way to start off the class, not to mention the day!

Then we played a game....Simon Says! The goal was to follow the rules of the game, while

applying the principle of Inhibition. Normally while playing this game, it would be instinct to tense up in preparation for whatever "Simon" would say next.

I actually felt really good though...maybe a little too good. I wasn't very good at paying attention to whether or not they said "Simon Says". Technically, I was out quite a few times because I went when I wasn't supposed to. Oops! But, I felt like I wasn't near as tense as I would have normally been. Maybe it has something to do with how the improv affected me...or because of what I discovered while writing my paper...or maybe it's just because I was tired. But either way, I really felt more freedom in what I was doing. Even though I was being told what to do, I was allowing my body to do it in whatever way was most efficient for myself. There were a few times when I would look around me, and see that we were all following the instructions a little differently. I think that just shows that we're all starting to understand a little better how to read our bodies, and learning to have choice in movement.

Artistry

Because it's show week, Sister Wadsworth was talking about how we really should think more about our artistry in all of our movement, even just the warmup. That's actually what the River North Dance Company teacher told us when he was teaching the master class, so I'm glad Sister Wadsworth is bringing that back to our attention.

The improv we had today felt especially nice for a Monday...usually I just feel really tired, and stiff, and just like my body doesn't want to move. But today, it felt really good to just move. Even the warm up felt a lot better today. It might be that I was just allowing my body to move today, instead of trying to force it to move when I would rather be sleeping. I wish I knew how to tap into that all the time.

Then we watched the video of the recording that we did on Friday. I really hate watching myself dance...I always feel like I'm dancing bigger and better than I actually am. It's kind of a rough wake up call every time I watch myself. I'm going to write a little bit more detailed paper on what I saw in the video, though, so I'll post that on here as soon as I get that done.

Back to 440

We got recorded in class today. She let us start off with an improv, which is always very helpful for me, then we got to do the warm up first. She recorded us doing the exercise on 5's, the plies, the leg swings, the triplets, and the Paul Cardall sequence. I feel like my quality remained sort of the same throughout all of them....I felt okay about it, but not as good as I have, or as good as I know I could have done. I really liked doing the triplets...we added on to it, combining it with another across the floor sequence we've done earlier. I think I might have liked it just because of the upbeat music...it's kind of nice to have a change of pace that way. I think that's probably why I also like the plie sequence...it's a little bit sharper, which I tend to do better, and I just really like it. But then again, I'm really kind of liking the Paul Cardall sequence too....ahh, I just like to dance. But, I was just a little frustrated because I could feel myself using more than I needed. I know that I can be more efficient in my movement, and complete the movement, but for some reason I'm stopping myself. I feel like I'm just on the verge of changing that though, which is both exciting and frustrating.

Lots of Monkey Stuff

We really focused on monkey today, which was really good. It felt a lot better today than it has for the past week, or however long ago it was that we first did it. My back didn't feel as strained, and it felt a whole lot easier. My favorite part was when we did this combination with monkey, using the chair and going to the floor. It had a name, some kind of technique...I think it started with a D....but I can't remember. Anyway, it felt really nice and fluid to me. Then we just walked around the room, either picking something up, or pretending to do so. It really is so much easier and efficient to do it by using monkey. The trick is remembering to do it outside of class.

Then my one on one was pretty nice, too. We did some mat work, and we didn't talk as much this time as we did last week, which did help me focus more on what was happening in my body. I guess it's nice to have some of both throughout the sessions. Then we just walked through the space, where I focused more on using only what I needed. I feel like it's really important that I work on making my movement more efficient. Through efficiency, I hope I'll be able to find more freedom in my joints, and more energy through my limbs. It was a nice little ah-ha moment, and I'm hoping I'll be able to keep building from that.

Improvement?

We did an improv first thing today, you know, to get our bodies moving, and sort of feel what our bodies need from us. Honestly, I didn't really feel anything in particular....maybe it was the long weekend. Whatever it was, my body was almost...numb? I don't really know...it did wake up a little bit after we started doing some primary control with a partner though.

After we each went through the whole primary control thing, we did the hand-on-the-head improv again. I was a tiny bit apprehensive, since it didn't do hardly anything for me last time, but I really wanted it to work for me. I was glad that I had Kelsey as a partner, because I know that she absolutely loved it when we did it last time, so I was hoping maybe it would rub off on me, and I could get a better taste for what she enjoyed about it. And, it sort of worked! At least, it felt better than last time. Right at the very beginning, Kelsey just told me that I was holding, and apparently that was all it took to get me to release a lot more. Afterward she said it was just like the flip of a switch. And it did feel quite a bit better than last time...I wasn't as focused on trying to make sure it was easy for her to keep her hand on my head. But, then I was very aware of how close she was to me as I was dancing, which also made it difficult. I tend to get pretty claustrophobic when I'm dancing, and I either freak out a little, or I just dance really small. In this instance, I think I was just dancing really small. I was definitely not moving the same way I would normally during a free improv...but I think it was a step closer in the right direction. Boy, it's difficult.

Improv and Alexander in Tech Class

Today was just a nice day....we started off with quite a few songs of improv, and it was fantastic!! She gave us a couple of slower songs to give us some time to just get into our bodies first. Then she started giving us some different, faster songs. It was sooo much fun!!! Today was a reeeaaally good day improv-wise for me. I think it was sort of the after effects from yesterday, so I took advantage of that. There was one improv in particular that I really loved...it was a faster song, and Sister Wadsworth had told us to try exploring a body part that we wouldn't normally. I almost did my knees, but then I realized I do that every time someone tells me to try something new. So instead, I tried my chin and my elbows. It really changed up my movement, but it was nice. In fact, it somehow made me more aware of my environment, too. I actually kind of felt like I was doing a partner improv with Kelsey a lot of the time....we were really feeding off of each other's energy, and it was really a lot of fun!

Then we got into partners and just did some Alexander Technique. We did some primary control and walking, which I always just love. And then we did some mat work. It was actually really kind of cool being able to do the mat work to someone else. It was interesting to feel the different places someone else holds tension. I feel like it also made me more aware of my tension as I worked on helping them release theirs. Because even though I was the one working on them, it was also important that I continue breathing and releasing tension in my own body. I kind of want to try doing this with my roommates, and see how different it would be with non-dancers. We'll see if they actually let me....

River North Chicago Dance Master Class

I was really pleasantly surprised by this master class. When I found out that they were a jazz based company, I had visions of several high kicks, turns, and leaps. None of which I'm very good at. I was still looking forward to taking a class from a new teacher, just to add a new flavor to my technique that day, but I didn't have high hopes of how well I would do. But then I was sort of caught unawares when he focused a little more on the artistry than just the technique. While we definitely did still work on technique, I felt like I was given the freedom to make it work for my body. To me, it sort of opened up my mind to the fact that I will be able to take what I'm learning now, and apply it wherever I go from here. Whether I go on to just take more classes, or if I get to perform, or if I just end up teaching, I know this is going to be so helpful. I can just feel the difference it's already made in my life and movement, and I'm just excited to see how far it will take me.

Partnering and One On One

Today was kind of a monumental day for me. I can't even necessarily put my finger on the reason why. We started off by doing some primary control, as usual, and of course that always feels really nice to me. I did notice, though, how it differs a little each time depending on who I'm partnering with. Sometimes I feel like they don't use enough pressure, sometimes it's too much, and sometimes it's just right. I should really start paying attention to who I like to partner with the most, haha. Okay, or just so I can be aware of the changes and differences, and how it affects me. Today I was paired with Kamrie, and I think she used a good light touch, but her fingers didn't quite seem to be where I wanted them to be...but not a big deal.

After doing the primary control, we did this new thing. Kamrie put her hand on the top of my head, and then I just did some improv. It's supposed to help me be more aware of my head and the top of my spine...but I didn't really love it. I think I was too focused on trying to make sure she could keep up with me. I was being too careful, and it was causing me to tense up. I think I tend to be the kind of person that likes to do things herself...so this may be a reason why I felt like I was responsible for making sure she was able to keep her hand on my head.

But, I really really enjoyed the reverse....her doing improv while I had my hand on her head. I feel like I was breathing a lot more, and I was sort of feeling her energy come up through my arm, so I felt like I was dancing with her. I can't even really explain it, but it just felt nice to sort of be the active observer.

Then I had my one on one. We did table/mat work today, which I'm always really happy with. We did a lot more talking today than usual, but I thought it was really helpful. We talked about how I keep having a hard time breathing (not just about remembering to do it, but it's physically difficult), and that I just can't seem to get a full breath all the time. She told me that she has some asthma, and that it's a possibility that I may have it too....so I'm thinking (yet again) that I should go get it checked out. Maybe soon.

At one point, Sister Wadsworth told me that Sister Dienhart had said to her that she has seen me improving! In ballet! That came as a shock to me. I mean, I know that ballet hasn't been horrible this semester, where usually it's kind of painful in my body, but I didn't really think I was improving at all. Then Sister Wadsworth told me that she has seen me improving, too. This all really was quite a boost. I feel like I've really been struggling this semester, but talking with Sister Wadsworth today sort of just helped me realize that I'm doing a lot of movement that I'm not as familiar with. Really, I'm doing movement that I'm not as comfortable with. I'm really not a huge fan of classical type movement, whether it's modern or ballet, so I've sort of done everything I can to avoid it. And before, whenever I did have to do it, I just always dreaded it, and just grit my teeth and did it. Now, however, I've decided to gain all I can from these classes, and apparently it's paying off! It was just a really good validation for my efforts. It gave me the boost I didn't realize I needed.

Modern Tech

I actually felt pretty good about class today. Not perfect, but better than last week! I think my body really felt the effects of not meeting for Somatics at all, and so now that we met yesterday, it's back on track. When we were doing the warm-up, Sister Wadsworth told us to focus on whatever would help us the most today. Normally, I would have chosen something like "free the movement in the hip", or "lengthen out of the head and neck", or something else directly related to what we're learning in Somatics. But today, I decided I was just going to do something that I felt really confident could actually help me...kind of my comfort zone. I decided that I was going to work through the floor. I was going to give it my weight, and allow it to hold me up as we went through the movement today. It actually helped quite a bit.

I love the floor, and I've been kind of sad that we haven't done a whole lot of floor work in class this semester, just because last semester I made so much progress in that area. So today, I realized that there's really nothing stopping me from still using the floor. I'm trying to see if it can sort of be a means whereby I rid myself of bad habits. So I'm crossing my fingers!

Also, I'm starting to feel a touch more freedom in my hip. Still not as much as I would like, but I can feel a touch of something starting to loosen up in there! Every little bit counts, right?

Back to Class

It was nice to meet as a class today after having a week off! We started off with an improv, and then did some primary control with a partner. I noticed that it was reeeaaally quite difficult for me to relax and allow for freedom of movement. Sister Wadsworth even mentioned a couple of times that she could sense that none of us were breathing very well...and I know that I was definitely a contributor of that. Through both the improv and the primary control, I had to almost constantly remind myself to breathe.

I also kept trying to figure out why I was having such a hard time today. My first thought was that it was because I'm so sore today (why? I'm not totally sure...). But then again, I've been sore during previous classes, and it usually felt good to do some improv and primary control. So then I thought that maybe it's because I had the week off, and I got lazy. Maybe my body is trying to pick back up where it left off, but is just having a hard time. Which could be very accurate...and it may be that it's a combination of the time off and from having so many sore muscles.

Then we tried this exercise where we just do one simple motion--we mostly did lifting our arms above our head--and feel how we normally do it, and where we hold tension. Then we continue doing it, trying to eliminate unnecessary tension, so that we're only using what we need. Again, I was having a really hard time feeling what was supposed to be happening. I could pretty much only feel tension. Maybe it's also due to the fact that I've been trying to allow change to happen in that area of my body (you know...the whole awkward hands bit), and so I'm now in an awkward in between phase? I don't know. Hopefully I can get out of this rut soon though!

People Watching!

We didn't have class this week, due to an assignment we were given at the end of last week. We were told to take two hours to observe 4-5 people throughout the week, and write up an evaluation based on our findings. Well, it was pretty interesting...I decided to use two people I knew pretty well, and then two people I didn't know as well. I think it worked out pretty good, and it was kind of cool to learn new things about some people I was really close with, and then to be able to gain insight about some that I just recently met. Well, enough jibber jabber...here's what I discovered!

__________________________________________

Ellie* is my roommate, and I've known her for most of my college life. Hence, I've seen her in several different types of settings. When she is in a social setting, Ellie is very confident, and enjoys having attention. She tends to use her hands a lot when telling stories. In fact, she uses her whole body, along with sound effects, to tell stories. However, it does depend on what kind of story she's telling, and who her audience is. She's very animated when she gets excited, and when she has a large audience. But then when it's something a little more serious, or more personal, she is usually sitting back as she talks. I have noticed that she does still like to do something with her hands as she talks, though. Whether it's nursing a bottle of Sprite, or playing with a pillow in her lap, or the frayed edge of her pants, her hands are almost always doing something. It's this that shows me her lack of self-confidence. Anyone who wouldn't notice this would never realize that she is insecure...she really seems very sure of herself and confident. Then, as I talk to her, and watch her, I realize that there is much she is not confident in. Her hands are her go-to for situations in which she feels awkward.

Then, as I spend more time with her, I see how she acts when she is truly comfortable in her surroundings. Her body is less tense, and she seems to breathe more. Her approach to daily tasks—eating, getting ready, doing homework—almost seem lazy in comparison to how excitedshe is in larger group settings. She does still like to have attention, but seems to be more aware of how people around her are responding.

Her body language is also different when she is in a spiritual setting. It's an interesting blend of being casual/comfortable, and yet still respectful. She gets a bit more soft-spoken (relatively speaking) when speaking of religious or spiritual topics. Her body is set more forward than when she's doing a regular daily activity, like homework, but lacks the “excitement” and tension that she gets when in a larger group setting.

The last setting I've been able to observe her in is when she's with her boyfriend. She acts quite different around him. She generally seems completely happy to just observe, and to let him be the talker. She sort of gets this relaxed posture, with her shoulders curved a bit forward. She really doesn't even do anything with her hands, either, but just sits and watches, talking when she feels the need.

I've come to realize that I can just watch how Ellie is holding herself, or if she's excessively using her hands, and I'll be able to see whether she's at ease, or whether she feels awkward or uncomfortable.

__________________________________________

Guy* is my supervisor at the call center where I work, but we do get to interact with him on a few different levels throughout the workday. The first thing I noticed was how he acts when he's on the phone with a customer. He is always very eager to help whoever he's talking to, and tries really hard to tell them everything they need to know. I can see this just in the way he holds himself. He is almost always leaning forward, and will talk with his hands, even though the customer can't see him. Even his face is very expressive...he really uses his eyes and eyebrows to punctuate his sentences, as if to emphasize his point.

Whenever he's not on the phone, or doing something else directly related to his job, he usually just comes over to hang out with us, so we get to see him in more of a casual, social setting. When he does, he usually just sits on the table next to us, and takes on a more casual posture....shoulders more relaxed, and his back less upright. However, if we're all just hanging out and chatting, and then someone asks him a question that is related to work, his demeanor does change. He snaps right back into his supervisor role, and will almost always sit up a little straighter. It's actually kind of impressive that he can switch back and forth so quickly.

There are times when he gets to talk to us one on one about how we're doing, and to go over any questions we may have. I've seen him act a couple of different ways in this situation. He either sits in the same sort of position as when he's talking to a customer on the phone—like leaning forward, with his forearms on his legs. Or else he's very casual, leaning back in the chair, putting his feet up on the table, etc. I haven't really had enough time to find a real pattern in this, except that maybe he's trying to decide what is most effective for him.

With Guy, it was mostly just interesting to me how he could switch back and forth so quickly, and efficiently, really.

__________________________________________

Luke* is a friend in my ward. He's in my FHE group, he's a Sunday school teacher, and he's working on advertising for his new business. These all provided me with plenty of different situations to evaluate him in. First, in just a normal social setting, he's a pretty casual guy. He's very relaxed, and doesn't seem to hold too much tension anywhere. He's content to sort of sit back and let conversation happen, but will give his input when he sees fit. I did notice that when he was contributing to a conversation, he would sit more on the edge of his seat, and lean forward more, but without adding any extra tension. He doesn't use very many gestures when speaking, either.

As a Sunday school teacher, he holds himself a little straighter than he normally does. Not in a tense way, but more of an upstanding, confident way. He still doesn't use very many gestures as he speaks, and doesn't move around the room very much either. He is pretty stationary as he teaches, but he makes it work very effectively. I think it kind of puts the students in the room at ease...I know that sometimes, when teachers constantly pace the room, it can make the students anxious or nervous.

If I had to say that Luke has tension in one area of his life, I would say it's in his business that he's trying to build. Whenever he is trying to promote it, or when I ask him about it, he tends to get a little bit more rigid in his stature. I can just tell that he's pretty stressed in that area, and just wants to be able to control the outcome, even though he can't.

So, to sum things up, I would say that Luke is generally a laid-back type person, and doesn't get stressed very easily. He's confident in himself and his abilities

__________________________________________

Lane* is my best friend, so I didn't really think I would be surprised at all at my findings from observing her this week. I was only partially right. What I discovered only added to my knowledge of who she is.

First of all, when she gets excited about something, whether it's while doing something or while telling a story, she gets very animated in her body language. She's actually pretty spastic, especially with her arms. It doesn't really matter who she's talking to or who she's with...if she's excited, she's going to act how she feels! And on the other hand, when she's more subdued, she hardly uses her hands. But, I did notice that she actually uses her head a lot. When she's agreeing, she nods vigorously. When she disagrees, she shakes her head just as hard. Or, if she's just really passionate about whatever the subject is, just her head will come forward and lean in.

I also noticed that when she's talking to a member of the opposite sex, she tends to lean in even further during the conversation than she would normally. I've mentioned this to her, and she had no idea that she was doing it.

Mostly what I've noticed about Lane is her ability to make every single person she interacts with feel special. It's really all in her body language. She's not afraid to be open and friendly with someone she just barely met, and she's always very involved in every conversation she has.

*Names have been changed

Technique Class

I think I'm finally starting to tap into what it means to complete a movement, and to allow energy to carry through the movement! I only felt it a couple of times in class today, but I noticed when I did, my hands felt less bound, and I felt way more connected with my environment. It was so invigorating, and I wanted more! I'm not sure yet how to control it...but I have high hopes that I'll get there! It felt so much better than last class, when I just felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Today made me feel like I'm on the road to progression.

Today we did the walking/bouncing combination for the last time. I could definitely tell a difference between this time and the first time I did it. I actually think I was even breathing more today than I normally do, which is kind of a miracle. It helps so much that I'm finally starting to get a grasp on the movement we've been doing this semester. It's really so different than what I've been doing for the past year or so, so it was kind of hard to switch my brain to this new style. But, I'm finally starting to understand it a little bit better...so I'm hoping that I'll be able to hold on to this minute victories, and then build further from them.

Tech Class

Today I mostly tried to focus on what I talked about on Monday...making sure I'm not getting lazy in the ankles, and also trying not to focus too much on my hands, and more on the energy flow in my movement. I still feel like I don't really know what I'm doing in that aspect....it may be that by trying to not think about it too much, I end up thinking about it more. Kind of like when someone tells you not to think about a purple elephant...then all you can think about is a purple elephant. Well, apparently my hands have become my purple elephant.

Other than that, I didn't really feel a whole lot of progress in class today. It was a little bit discouraging to re-realize some bad habits that never went away....it kind of makes me feel like I'm digressing, which is kind of frustrating. But, there's always tomorrow....hopefully it'll be better!

Video Feedback

I got to go into Sister Wadsworth's office today to watch myself on video. She recorded us....sometime last week, and I've been dreading/looking forward to watching it ever since. Video is easily the best way for me to improve. Because as much as I may think I'm doing something right, I definitely know there are things that need fixed and changing, and verbal feedback alone isn't quite enough.

Going through the video basically confirmed what I thought I had been feeling, and what feedback I was given this morning. So we talked about how I still have these bad habits that I've carried over since before I came up here. I remember trying to work on them when I first came up to school here, but then as I learned more about what I never knew, they got pushed to the back burner as I tried to progress through other avenues.

One thing we mentioned was my ankles...I definitely tend to supinate, which is mostly due to the fact that I've sprained each of my ankles at least once. The last time I sprained one was a couple of years ago, and so I was really focused then on regaining strength, and making sure they were in correct alignment. Then, as the pain subsided I decided to move on. Apparently that was a bad idea, as I keep going back to those bad habits. It also doesn't help that I've got Morton short toe...in fact, when I'm in relevé, if my ankles are where they're supposed to be, I'm balancing on the head of just one metatarsal. It makes it slightly difficult. Not impossible. Just difficult. I'll work through it.

The biggest thing we talked about was my hands. I feel like they're so awkward, and I never know how to carry them through movement. Whenever I watch videos of myself dancing, I feel like they're just dead weight that I'm throwing around. Then, from Kelsey's comment earlier, I realized that maybe there's too much tension in them, due to excessive attention. So Sister Wadsworth suggested that I just need to complete my movement. I do tend to cut it off without completely finishing it, and allowing the energy to go through the right pathways.

Oh, and I forgot that we talked about my hips a bit, too. I mentioned how I try to loosen them up through pliés, but my achilles tendon is kind of tight, which limits how deep I want my plié to be, which has limited the freedom I'm trying to get from my hip. But, Sister Wadsworth helped me realize that, even though I can't go super deep in my plié, it's more about the pulsing motion (in a certain combo we do in technique) that will allow for that freedom.

Sometimes it's really difficult and frustrating trying to learn how to work within my own body...but, it is possible, I'm starting to realize. It's kind of liberating, though overwhelming at the same time.

Old Habits Die Hard

We went back to doing the set warm up in class this morning. We did once all together as a class, and then we got into partners and watched each other do it. Then we gave/received feedback based on our movement. This was super helpful, especially since I had Kelsey as a partner. I think it helped that I know Kelsey, and I'm comfortable around her, so I knew that the giving/receiving of feedback would be 100% honest, without any awkwardness.

The response I got was kind of interesting, but not completely surprising. First, she told me that my floor work was really good! That made me happy, because that was something I focused on a lot last semester.

I used to have a hard time being able to "melt" into the floor, and allowing the floor to support me, so it was nice to receive validation that my efforts are paying off.

Then she talked about how I was a little bit "lazy" with my turnout, and that I tend to supinate. I'm positive this is because of how many times I've sprained my ankles and

never really let them heal. It's something I used to be highly aware of, but I think I've just gotten used to it, and sort of let the fact slide. So it's good to be made re-aware, so I can make sure my ankles are in the right place, preventing any future injuries.

Something that was interesting was that she told me there was something in the general vicinity of my arms that she didn't like....but she couldn't put her finger on it. So I suggested that it might be my hands, and then she agreed. My hands are something that I've been focusing on since probably my senior year of high school. I know that somehow I don't allow the energy to completely release out through my hands, and so I think I've become too focused on them, making them awkward and forced.

It's just kind of funny, because my ankles and my hands are things I used to be hyper-aware of, but somehow I've let them slide to the back burner. It's really good to realize that they still need attention, especially now that I have been given better "tools" to fix them with.

One on One

My one-on-one this week helped me more with my body-mapping. As we did our improv today, and as I've noticed just in technique class and rehearsal, I do a lot of holding in my hips. I know that I can find more freedom in the hip joint if I can just release some of the tension in and around the joint. The problem is, I have no idea how to do that! I've tried focusing mainly, if not completely, on that when I dance. I've also tried focusing on just supporting the moving leg, to see if that would open up some pathways. Yet, I still can't seem to get the free range of motion I know I can have.

After talking about this with Sister Wadsworth, she suggested that I should probably stretch the front of my hip more. There's definitely a tightness in there, so it makes sense that that would help. It also may help the general hip pain that I tend to feel on a regular basis. I also know that I have snapping hip syndrome, so maybe this will help that a bit as well? I don't know...but I'm excited to focus on this, and look forward to the changes that may come from it!

Reading Thoughts

One thing that I thought was really interesting in the reading, was when it talked about how strengthening abs isn't necessarily the answer to relieving back pain. That's what I've been told for years...if you're having back problems, it's because you have weak abs. So we work on our abdominal strength. But, in the reading, it talks about how we have to be able to release the back muscles to allow for a lengthening in the spine. By lengthening the spine, it can release pressure and pain in the back. Genius.

Modern Technique

We did some of the same stuff today that we did on Monday, but went a little further into detail. We talked about our placement for a rebound action, and I discovered that I may have been releasing too much, which could be the reason my back has been soo sore for the past two days. So I tried to find the balance between being in the correct vicinity, without going to a "place", and still allowing a release in the spine. It was a lot harder than I expected, so it was really interesting to play with.

Through all of the combinations during class today, I still feel like some of my old habits are re-manifesting themselves in my body. It's really starting to frustrate me, because I feel like I'm becoming worse as a dancer, which is the opposite of what I'm going for. The only (positive) thing I can think of that may be the cause of this, would be that it gets worse before it can get better. As if, in order to purge these bad habits, I've got to pull them all to the surface to make them easier to get rid of. I have no idea if that's actually the case, but that's what I'm going with for now!